Ancient Insults For Modern Idiots
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As a Chicken who has traversed the space time continuum and braved the fickle winds of both fame and fortune, I know a thing about many things. Which I started this series to share with you, being the charitable sort that I am known to be. But due to overwhelming demand, I have decided to gradually include the stories surrounding my discoveries as this first of the month monthly telling unfolds.
What discoveries?
Why, only the things nearest and dearest to my heart of course:
Insults, lost to time and entropy, from around this pretty blue planet and across recorded history...give or take the last 800 years or so. For as long as the strong could throw rocks, the not as rock throwing proficient learned to throw words. But as what was lost, must inevitably be found, and yours truly, Rude Chicken—the intrepid adventurer, intends to be there, ready to preserve this precious knowledge for all.
-RC
Hey, I’m Jon the writer behind Rude Chicken. So I had this idea about resurfacing old insults, and having RC kinda tool around with them. What started with a list, gradually turned into RC becoming more of a character, with history and an arc.
RC: HEY! First of all, I’ve always been more of a character. I didn’t need your help for that, second of all, I have a spelljammer, not an arc.
J: I mean, you were kind of a character, you pretty much just ranted about stuff and insulted people. And you do not have a spelljammer.
RC: That is still a character, and if you consult the image above, I clearly have a spelljammer.
J: Yea but you were never fleshed out. You literally just yelled insane things and got irrationally angry about trivial things. And as of right now you do NOT have a spelljammer. You’re a borderline narcissistic chicken who is learning how to be less of an ass via osmosis.
RC: Do not dare presume to lecture me about osmosis. I am a chemist of legendary repute, and my biology street cred would crush you like a thousand Greek women making wine. Which I know, because I was teaching Aristotle how to play Connect 4 before he even considered chickens and eggs. RC: And I have a spelljammer.
J: You don’t even like wine, and as I said you have no spelljammer, and you don’t start traveling through time until Chapter 3. You also have never met Aristotle.
RC. I do, I do, and I did.
J: So anyway, feel free to start from the beginning if you’re here for the historical insults. Jump in on Chapter 3 if you want to get to know Rude Chicken in this format.
J: You don’t, don’t, and didn’t. At least not yet. Though having you deal with Mindslayers might make for an interesting adventure.
RC: Ah ha! So I will, and shall! Perfect. I can’t wait to pick out the cosmetics. Do you think shag carpet holds up well with inter-dimensional travel?
J: Not sure, check with Doc Brown when you see him next.