As a Chicken of obvious culture and profound refinement, I have returned yet again to share the fruits of my explorations through the annals of history. This was not an easy journey mind you, as Doc Brown needed to stop in the 1970s, apparently Sears had a hell of a sale on volumizing hairspray he wanted to take advantage of. Do you know how hard it is to reach 88mph lugging that much cargo?
No.
You don’t.
Suffice to say, sacrifices were made. But do not fret, because those sacrifices were carried by someone else. We might even remember them fondly.
Jobbernowl:
YES. Nothing says you’ve been insulted thoroughly more than a ego thrashing delivered in a kilt. This Scottish timepiece gallivants right out of the 16th century with bollocks and tartans flying. “Jobber” roughly translated to clumsy, and “Nowl” was a vintage term for head. When you weld these two together you get something along the lines of blockhead...Numbskull...Idiot. You may not thank them for haggis, but you sure as hell can offer several sheep bladders full of gratitude to your local Ceann-cinnidh clan ruler type boss guy, for playing a role in bringing one of the most unique ways to call someone an idiot known to creation. When the good Lord said “Let there be light” I bet no one expected the Scots to take it as “Challenge Accepted.” Except maybe the Scots themselves. Party on Shaemus.
Gnashnab:
...I brought this one back with great reluctance. Mainly because it sounds like what happens if your loin cloth chafes your nethers for too long. “Oi! mah tender vittles be a right bit gnashnabbed after runnin all that way!” Not what this 18th century northern English adjective really is intended for. See, it was dedicated to someone who whines alot. One of those miserable dodders who just whittles down everyone else’s patience like that coworker who’s laugh makes you wonder what kind of homunculus married them. Probably why London is on the south coast.
Dunderwhelp:
Boasting a birth certificate from the north England of the 1600s, this one holds a special place in my heart. It isn’t just a way of calling someone an idiot, not at all! It’s specifically fusing “Dunder” meaning idiot, with “Whelp” used for a young weak little snot. Together? You not only have a “Young Idiot” but it can spread like warm cream cheese on your lightly toasted onion bagel into immature, cowardly, and incompetent. When you decide as a culture to save all your spices for taunting your adversaries, the blandness of your cuisine is a foreseeable consequence.
Scullion:
This one has more stamps on its passport than ways to bake bread. Latin to French, French to English, English to some other dialect of English, then the Scots hung out with it for an evening and it woke up somewhere in the Cambrian mountains discovering that traditional English breakfast is in fact a great hangover cure. Starting in the 14th century, it boiled down to calling someone the lowest man in the kitchen, scrubbing pots. And sucking even at that! Like they’re a tallow smudge on the stone floor of the galley. Now I have feelings about this. Idiots are idiots, and the corner is the ideal home for many of the social incompatibles that populate this planet, but I don’t agree with knockin’ people for the jobs they hold. So wielding this one, do it right. Make sure its clear that you see them as the turd hidden in the too tall grass, not as the gardener pushing the mower. Have some class. And always tip your server.
Doc Brown’s calling, apparently the hairspray he picked up is loaded with CFC’s, so the quest for ethical and now environmentally conscious hair care bargains begins anew. So stay tuned for the next installment Rude Chicken Goes Back In Time! I need to pack a lunch. You ever realize lunch boxes are incredibly limiting? Like here, THIS is how much space you have to pack food into for the next block of time. Then you have that slight anxiety when you lock your front door, hoping you packed enough. What if you need to go to the store for extras? Now you have not only your Alf Lunch box but also a shopping bag with it, and people are looking at you funny. Ugh. Finding that perfect balance between social perceptions and your appetite is exhausting.
I’ll just get a backpack.
-RC
I love this! Great words to remember, and your commentary had me cracking up the whole time. So many good lines. Thank you, Rude Chicken. You do us a great service!
I love these so much! The etymology of words and phrases is fascinating. You should do phrase and idiom origins at some point too! "Got your goat" is my favorite. So far anyway.