Rude Chicken Travels Through Time!

Ancient Insults for Modern Idiots - Chapter 1.

So far, Rude Chicken has been focused on the things that really matter. I decided we’re gunna change it up a little bit. This week we’re dusting off the Library card and hitting the books for some history.

Mankind has hunting and gathering ways to put other people down since before the Neolithic revolution. When Thrakk and Uzmog were beating each other about the head with rocks, to when Lothar and Threndil using slightly better shaped rocks. Let’s discuss:

Fopdoodle:

This was a common roast in the 17th century thereabouts. It combined “Fop” which meant a vain, foolish man obsessed with style, and “Doodle” which for all intents and purposes meant: An idiot. Put together you have a kind of try hard court jester that didn’t have a court, so everyone pretty much forgot about this type of person. Which is pretty shitty if you think about it. Wearing O.G. skinny jeans, and being so useless that they didn’t even remember it. I wish we did so such a fashion tragedy wouldn’t have worked it’s way back into the mainstream.

Scobberlotcher:

Aside from this sounding like some kind of forbidden sexual act among consenting teammates in the lockeroom, This was a 17-18th century insult. When broken down into its core components, you get “Scobber” meaning to loaf around, and “Lotch” which implied latching onto others. Essentially a lazy leech. It was used pretty infrequently, but I think it deserves a double barreled full bore comeback. Shitty roommates eating all your food, shitty middle managers stealing all your credit, shitty companies stealing 15 grams off your ice cream sandwiches, all scream for this insult to Lazarus its way back into the modern lexicon.

Doxy:

So Shakespeare was a big fan of this one. Back in the 1500s it meant someone was a mistress of a rogue or criminal, suggesting they were of “ill repute.” What does this really do for someone now though? Our standards have collectively fallen so low that clever ways of calling someone a Ho just don’t do much. We got teachers and cops with Only Fans, politicians on Grindr, and everyone on Tinder. I’m not knockin’ anyone’s groove, I’m just sayin I guess keep it around for the novelty. Just don’t expect much in the way of impact.

Pillock:

Leave it to the 16th century English to come up with a creative way to call someone a “Dick” without having to refer to them being a “Satchel full of Richards.” It also bent to being used for someone being dumb or worthless. Which is a waste. There’s thousands of ways to call someone an idiot, or worthless, not so many if you want to just tell someone “Hey. You’re a penis.” Thank you Pillock for joining the chat.

Cumberworld:

Oh jeez. Triggering the emo crowd 400 years in advance, this over dramatic mascaraless put down was letting poor torn sleeve individual that they “encumbered the world” just by existing. Initially it was referring to people who were stealing air from more productive people by having the audacity to exist. Oddly enough this can find TONS of use now. Think about it. Influencers, telemarketers, HOA board members, all fit this.

Imagine how peaceful it would be. No more tripods at the gym, no one trying to scam you while you eat your meatloaf, and leave your garage door open as long as you want! All wins here. Anyway, try some of these out and see how you like them. Use em right and no one will be the wiser.

-RC