Welcome to Rude Chicken
Table of contents so you don't get lost.
Chaos and Consequences:
I, Rude Chicken, have a lot to say about a lot, and Chaos and Consequences is where I open my head for your existential enrichment. Here, you’ll find the official record of my streams of consciousness, rants, and advocacies for the men, women, and others similarly situated, who share the burden of existing in an increasingly nonsensical world. Often without witness.
Now I’ve been called unhinged, mad, and all sorts of inappropriate words with variable amounts of consonants and syllables. Haters come in all shapes and sizes, all looking for a piece of me. Which is okay. Because all my quarters come in dark meat, and I am juicy as hell.
Sometimes I’m going to roast you.
Sometimes you might learn something.
Sometimes you may even agree with me.
Because why wouldn’t you? You’re here right? So clearly you have excellent taste and discernment. After all, despite being a cannibalistic prey animal, we Chickens have done pretty well for ourselves.
And taking that into consideration? That makes us the highest common denominator in contemporary civilization today.
Browse away, and keep off the grass.
Ps. New stuff posts here once or twice a week.
Ancient Insults for Modern Idiots:
As a Chicken who has traversed the space time continuum and braved the fickle winds of both fame and fortune, I know a thing about many things. Which I started this series to share with you, being the charitable sort that I am known to be. But due to overwhelming demand, I have decided to gradually include the stories surrounding my discoveries as this first of the month monthly telling unfolds.
What discoveries?
Why, only the things nearest and dearest to my heart of course:
Insults, lost to time and entropy, from around this pretty blue planet and across recorded history...give or take the last 800 years or so. For as long as the strong could throw rocks, the not as rock throwing proficient learned to throw words. But as what was lost, must inevitably be found, and yours truly, Rude Chicken—the intrepid adventurer, intends to be there, ready to preserve this precious knowledge for all.
-RC
Hey, I’m Jon the writer behind Rude Chicken. So I had this idea about resurfacing old insults, and having RC kinda tool around with them. What started with a list, gradually turned into RC becoming more of a character, with history and an arc.
RC: HEY! First of all, I’ve always been more of a character. I didn’t need your help for that, second of all, I have a spelljammer, not an arc.
J: I mean, you were kind of a character, you pretty much just ranted about stuff and insulted people. And you do not have a spelljammer.
RC: That is still a character, and if you consult the image above, I clearly have a spelljammer.
J: Yea but you were never fleshed out. You literally just yelled insane things and got irrationally angry about trivial things. And as of right now you do NOT have a spelljammer. You’re a borderline narcissistic chicken who is learning how to be less of an ass via osmosis.
RC: Do not dare presume to lecture me about osmosis. I am a chemist of legendary repute, and my biology street cred would crush you like a thousand Greek women making wine. Which I know, because I was teaching Aristotle how to play Connect 4 before he even considered chickens and eggs. RC: And I have a spelljammer.
J: You don’t even like wine, and as I said you have no spelljammer, and you don’t start traveling through time until Chapter 3. You also have never met Aristotle.
RC. I do, I do, and I did.
J: So anyway, feel free to start from the beginning if you’re here for the historical insults. Jump in on Chapter 3 if you want to get to know Rude Chicken in this format.
J: You don’t, don’t, and didn’t. At least not yet. Though having you deal with Mindslayers might make for an interesting adventure.
RC: Ah ha! So I will, and shall! Perfect. I can’t wait to pick out the cosmetics. Do you think shag carpet holds up well with inter-dimensional travel?
J: Not sure, check with Doc Brown when you see him next.
Rude Chicken Unleashed:
This is a series of short roasts in video format, that range from the dumb to clever to savage and incendiary. Sometimes narrated, sometimes with music. This is for those who enjoy roast comedy. No set schedule for releases, and I don’t email them. Numbered for ease of navigation, and of course, feedback is always welcome.
-J
Yea, Life’s a Joke, and You’re the Punchline!
-RC
Tales From The Dumpster Fire:
When I started Rude Chicken I had no idea what I was doing or what it would even be beyond a collection of funny insults and roast comedy. Playing around with the idea, I eventually realized I could turn RC into a full blown character, so I wrote a few short stories with him gallivanting around a medieval fantasy setting then narrated it.
Feedback is welcome, if it gets popular I’m down to make a season 2!