If Failure Was An Art form, Your Name Would Be Rembrandt: The Shopping Cart Strikes Back!
Rude Chicken goes on the offensive against people who don't return their shopping carts.
The proverbial Man has pissed on the social contract in more ways than a urinal at an Irish pub on St Patty’s day in Boston.
No pensions.
Gotta work OT to get an Extra Value Meal at McDonald’s.
Pay a mortgage payment for health insurance.
Just to pay another mortgage payment if you need it.
Social security is waving “Bon Voyage” as it sails away with every other part of the so called American Dream.
All WE got is each other.
All YOU got is a dry toilet bowl with a skid mark between your ears.
We’ve seen your handiwork, you walking nightmare.
Leaving your shopping carts in parking spaces.
On the median, cuddled up against trees.
Out in the middle of the road, jacking up traffic.
Catching wind and flying across the parking lot to dent our doors at Mach 3.
It takes 10 seconds out of your life to do the rest of us a solid and bring it back to the pen.
I did not realize such levels of self important laziness were even possible.
You probably have made a tradition of love bombing your toilets because everyone else is tired of your shit.
It’s probably for the best that you moved out of your folks’ house.
I’m sure they got tired of changing the subject whenever you came up.
Shopping carts have a tough job.
They are built for order.
Structure.
Efficiency.
They aren’t built for your entitled madness.
Bringing a full cart to the self check out.
Saying “No one wants to work anymore.” because there’s a line of your archetype clogging up the customer service desk.
Standing in the middle of the aisle while you corner the poor underpaid employee to flap your pretentious jowls about the rich chocolate Ovaltine not being gluten free, like it’s his fault.
You don’t deserve the joys of consuming the
Rich.
Chocolate.
Ovaltine.
You deserve to be trauma bonded to off brand Pop Tarts.
Or the high protein knock off versions of Cinnamon Toast Crunch
When the zombie apocalypse happens?
I hope you find a home with Negan.
Go ahead and not return a shopping cart in HIS parking lot and see what happens.
-RC