As a purveyor of wisdom and hard fought intelligence wherever and whenever such knowledge can be found, I know a thing or two about the ways of the universe and the thoroughly shaken etch-a-sketch we call reality. Which is why I believe mosquitoes are proof that reincarnation exists. Because how else does it make sense for a creature so maligned by everyone ever to still exist?
Think about it.
You have a creature that’s mindnumbingly frail, with no defenses to speak of that has plagued humanity for time immemorial and yet continue to survive. It flies, yet every time its wings wind up it makes its trademark whine sound that makes the blood pressure of any creature around it with ears jump to aneurysm risking heights. It’s hunted by everything, including natures own F16 the dragonfly, who actually dines on these irritating loiter sacks at every single stage of their development! But yet,
they survive.
Just like all the people around you that somehow have the audacity to continue to breathe! True, correlation does not equal causation, but its a hell of a coincidence. You have telemarketers, influencers, and whoever the hell writes those terrible text message scams who trick your brain into thinking someone genuinely cares about you when you get a notification on your phone.
Word on the street is that God is just and merciful, pretty much across every single pantheon and school of belief. What better way to teach someone the lesson that they might be doing life wrong than to have them come back as mosquito? A blood sucking parasite that no one loves, and who’s only real success is pissing people off before being torn apart unceremoniously by dragonfly mandibles or my hand?
Who needs to suffer through the great cosmic after school detention of Purgatory, the dumpster fire rehab of Gehenna, or Steve Irwin’s (RIP) snake centric fever dream of Naraka? Nah, In this Chicken’s mind it makes way more sense to bypass the Asphodel Meadows and go straight to a mosquitos larval stage where your life can begin, progress, and end being hated by things looking better in grey sweatpants than you do.
I’m uncharacteristically open to being wrong about this, because Ticks and Avocados are second only to Mosquitoes in being ubiquitously disliked. But... maybe the whole reincarnation thing is more complicated than I thought. Ticks because...c’mon, they’re ticks. Anyone who’s ever found one on their furry friend knows the unbridled rage that percolates up from the innards and seeks immediate justice for them daring to try and harm your best friend. Avocados? What, raw, raw, raw, spoiled. They got a life cycle that exists to show you how rare and temporary happiness truly is. Is a great bowl of guacamole worth that much pain?
I don’t think so.
But then again, how do you explain Jumping spiders? If you need proof of some kind of reincarnational purgatorial hierarchy, you need go no further! Out of all their absolutely evil looking breathren, Jumping spiders are the cutest. They absolutely mastered the curious head tilt of all animals that people love, and they eat ugly stuff. Not to mention if you zoom in... I mean really zoooom in...beans.
They have toe beans! Which I think is the strongest argument for why they are clearly high up on the reincarnation redemption arc, and are deserving of a great degree of latitude. Because instead of actively making life worse trying to get people to believe that busty milfs are waiting next door just to talk to you, these little 8 legged champions are out there defending your honor in the dark.
With toe beans!
-RC
This is hilarious. I agree completely. I am not a fan of spiders in general, but those adorable jumping spiders with their little toebeans are the cutest. Loving all of the references.